Family Roundup: Safe at Home and On the Go

When Leiby Kletzky, an eight-year-old Brooklyn boy, was murdered by a stranger he encountered after becoming lost just blocks from where his mother waited for him, the news sent chills into the hearts of all parents who read his tragic story. We are all terrified of our child being harmed. Yet none of us wants to be a over-controlling “helicopter parent” who raises a child so fearful that he or she never becomes a confident adult who is capable of taking calculated risks.

Two Eastside experts offer great tips this week on what really poses a threat to our kids and how we as parents can help our kids stay safe. 

Which Kids Are Most at Risk

Kim Estes is an Eastside mom, certified child safety educator and sexual abuse prevention specialist. She is the founder of Redmond-based Savvy Parents Safe Kids, which offers workshops for parents, PTAs and educators. The organization’s website offers a wealth of safety tips including a popular “Super Ten” Rules for Safety which parents can print out and post on the family fridge to help them coach kids to make safer choice. Estes began specializing in child safety in 2006 after a predatory incident occurred at her child’s Eastside school.

Estes says that there are kids who are at more risk of harm than others. These include “kids who have limited or no safety knowledge, with kids without basic safety knowledge being at the greatest risk for being victims; kids who lack an understanding of personal boundaries; kids who do not have any safe grown up to talk to or to be watching out for them; kids who are starved for attention and kids whose parents think, 'it won’t happen to us.' ”

Recognizing the Risks  

Estes points out kids are most likely to be victimized by someone they know already, not a stranger. “Over 90 percent of crimes committed against children are by someone that the child knows. Not strangers.”

Estes says “red flags” that someone may be “grooming” a child to be sexual exploited include the following people who:

• seem "too good to be true"
• try to arrange alone one on one time with your child
• give you the "uh-oh" feeling in your gut,
• share inappropriate information with children that would normally be shared with just adults and lacks boundaries or does not respect your child’s boundaries.

Estes says, “If your child does not want to be around a particular person, pay attention to this!”

“Kids become victims of sexual abuse and abduction most often when a predator has gained the trust of the parents and then gains isolated, one on one access with the child. This often occurs at sleepovers, in the child’s own home or a relative’s home, any situation where the predator has an opportunity to be alone with the child"

Although stranger abduction is rare, when those cases do occur, it is most often when children are walking home alone to or from school, she said.

Risks To Tweens and Teens

Jim Bove is the Community Outreach Facilitator for the Redmond Police Department. He says while parents often worry about their toddlers and elementary age kids, tweens and teens can be at tremendous risk as well. In particular he says be aware of situations including alcohol and drugs which can often lead to other safety issues such as sexual assault, driving under the influence and minor in possession of alcohol.

"Quite simply, we don’t make the same decisions when under the influence of alcohol that we would otherwise,” he said.

Be aware of a growing trend among tweens and teens says Bove - prescription drugs misuse and abuse.

“It’s important for adults to keep prescriptions away from their children, monitor their children’s use of prescription drugs, and dispose of prescription drugs that are no longer being used.”

Cyber-Safety

Technology can lead to tweens and teens to trouble including says Bove.

“Inappropriate cell phone use such as sexting -- both sending and receiving sexual explicit photos can be considered possession or distribution of child pornography," he said.

Parents should make sure their tweens are teens are always safe online and continue to monitor computer usage.

“It’s important for parents to know when their children are online and what information they are sending and receiving," he said.

"Many sex abuse victims have communicated with the perpetrator online—the relationship or friendship didn’t necessarily start online, but there is often times evidence of an inappropriate relationship that was fostered by online communication.”

And not all bullying happens in the school hallways these days, and parents have to be aware of it in all its forms, which can include electronic.

“It’s important for parents and children to understand bullying, recognize it, and be able to stand up and say something when they witness it," Bove said. "Online communication and texting often contribute to this because people in general have 'cyber courage' because we often say things through technology that we wouldn’t say in person."

Keeping Eyes on the Road

Teens should also be coached how to stay safe on the road. Bove says parents should discourage teens from using anything that causes a distraction to the driver including loud music, other passengers, cell phones -- even hands-free --  and iPods and other music and video players.

"They should always wear seatbelts and obey the rules of the road while maintaining a safe speed. Driving is a privilege not to be taken lightly," Bove said.

Home Alone?

Many parents wrestle with the challenge of when it is OK to let a child walk home from school by him or herself and be home alone during the summer and school breaks.

“The age recommendation for Washington state is age ten," Estes said. "Parents should gauge home alone readiness by their child’s physical and emotional maturity as well as the surroundings that they live in."

Kids are probably more at risk being home during the day, Estes said, because that is when kids are most often left home alone and that is also the prime time when intruders will knock on a door to test if anyone is home. Kids should have confidence in wanting to stay home alone and also have a clear understanding of your "home alone rules" -- including no playing outside, no cooking, what to do if the power goes out, etc., she said.

Practice and review your expectations often with your child, Estes said.

"If your child is unwilling to discuss the home alone rules, then they are probably not ready to stay home alone,”  she said.

Role Play for Safety

Bove says one of the best ways to help children stay safe at home and in other situations is to play “what if games.”

“Asking them what they would do in specific situations and giving them proper information if they don’t know it. It is human to react better if we have already thought through a situation—we are less likely to panic,”  he said.

Open Communication

Bove says the number one thing Eastside parents can do to help keep their children safe is to practice “open communication so they are not afraid to ask for help even after they may have made a mistake."

This allows them to talk about how they will respond in a specific situation, he said. Also, parents should try not to blame the child or get mad at them if they come to them for help.

"Besides that, adults need to be good role models—these safety tips are ones that come into play regardless of age, yet many adults don’t follow them," he said.

National Night Out August 2 is at Crossroads Bellevue

Neighborhoods throughout Bellevue are being invited to join forces with thousands of communities nationwide for the 28th annual "National Night Out" crime and drug prevention event on Tuesday, Aug. 2. 

From 3:30 to 6:30 p.m., there will be a National Night Out community party in front of the old Circuit City, located on the eastside of , 800 block of 156th Avenue Northeast.