The 'Uh-Oh' Feeling: Teaching Kids to Listen to Their Gut Feelings

Each of us at some point has probably experienced that "icky" or uneasy feeling in our gut. That’s our natural warning system kicking in to tell us that something does not feel right.

But if it is such an important instinct, why do we dismiss this warning system so often? Even worse, why do we even inadvertently teach our children to ignore their “uh-oh” feelings too? 

We have probably dismissed a child’s “uh-oh” feeling without realizing we did so. Perhaps a child doesn’t want to hug a certain relative, or he or she no longer likes a particular sitter, or a normally chatty child suddenly becomes apprehensive in talking to the neighbor. We may dismiss it by saying, “Mr. Jones is so nice, don’t be rude,” or “Stop being shy and say hello to Mrs. Smith,” or “Why are you being so clingy? You love your sitter.”

It may be a normal phase for kids to go from extroverted to suddenly shy. But it may be that your child is picking up on a cue you are missing. Some parents will testify that their kids are fearless and have never had an “uh-oh” feeling to save their lives. Other parents will describe a child so fearful that he or she never leaves their parents leg in public situations. Regardless of where your child falls on the spectrum, they all have experienced the “uh-oh” feeling at one time. It is how we teach them to respond to it that is important.

So, how do you talk to your child about the uh-oh feeling?

Here are some tips to help parents listen to and guide their child to be be aware of and listen to that inner voice. Talking about child safety does not have to be scary.

1–2 years: At this age, very simple steps in identifying the “uh-oh” feeling are a all you need. You may label an emotion or experience in simple terms, such as “You look mad,” or “That was silly and made me laugh!” You can also begin labeling a suspected “uh-oh” feeling when a child appears apprehensive in certain situations. Helping them to identify the feeling now makes it easier for them to respond to it later.

3– 4 years: By this age, you can use specific examples when you or they might have experienced the “uh-oh” feeling. You can use examples like “I don’t think it is a good idea to go to the playground when it is getting dark. It would give me the ‘uh-oh’ feeling!” Talk to your child about why people (and animals) get the “uh-oh” feeling and how that feeling tells us that maybe something is just not right. It is also important to talk to your child about coming to you or a trusted adult when they get the “uh-oh” feeling. 

5– 8 years: By this time, kids have had some experience with getting an icky or uh-oh feeling. This is a good time to use examples of when you may have had the uh-oh feeling and how you handled it. Let your children know that they should
talk to an adult if they get an uh-oh feeling. Walk them through scenarios about what to do if they are at a playground when they get that feeling, or if they are approached by a person who gives them an uh-oh feeling. Role-play “what if” situations with your child. 

Talk to your kids early and often about the “uh-oh” feeling. Help them to label the feeling, use your own experiences to help show them that it happens to everyone. Give them good tools on what to do when the feeling arises.

Congratulate them when they come to you and talk to you about a creepy feeling they got. Don’t dismiss it when they do come to you about something that does not feel right.

About the Author: Kim Estes is the owner of and has worked with parents for over 15 years, educating them on various parenting topics. Kim believes every adult has the power to keep kids safe through prevention education.