As Far As I'm Concerned

One of the things 5-year-olds and vegetarians have in common is the amount of time restaurateurs spend worrying about the menu items geared toward them. Five-year-olds are offered peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, grilled cheese sandwiches, and chicken nuggets. Vegetarians get veggie burgers, spicy bean burgers, fettuccini Alfredo, and salad.

I’m not entirely blaming the folks who plan the menus. In my own family I have to deal with a group with diverse eating habits, several who eat all manner of meat, one who eats only shellfish because after all, they are the insects of the ocean, one who eats chicken, but no red meat… you get the idea. So, I’m not saying it’s easy. Restaurant owners invest a lot of money and time, they begin with a theme, a vision, and most of them are not really interested in vegetarians. They know we exist, but beyond that they haven’t done a lot of research. I understand that most of the population is blown away by the idea of a meal without meat, never mind a whole life without meat, I just have the idea that we should be further along by now. So hats off to a few Eastside restaurants that have vegetarian fare that is above average.

But still. I am amazed every once in awhile by a find of vegetarian food that’s great. It’s especially astounding when it occurs in a place that has “grill” in the name. It happens but not often.

This is my take of the state of affairs concerning meatless food on the Eastside, and beyond.  

Burgers

To start with, let’s talk burgers. Vegetarians have taste buds and texture determining skills the same as everyone else, despite restaurateurs’ clear opinion to the contrary. If you were to take a pound of beef hamburger and add an equal amount of soggy bread, then cook its squishy self, and you will begin to understand the common “house made” vegetarian patty, put that on a bun and you have a sog-fest. OK, guys, stop it. There are fine vegetarian burgers on the market, buy those, stop trying to make them yourself, unless you have a keen panel of vegetarians to judge the end product, which apparently nobody does. Another hurtful practice; on a menu that includes five to fifteen different burgers with all manner of sauce, vegetables, spices, and a selection of cheese, when it comes to the vegetarian option all of the delightful delicious choices are dangled just out of the vegetarian reach. We get "House made veggie patty with tomato and lettuce." Just sub the vegetarian burger.

Let’s address the ubiquitous sub category, the Spicy Bean Burger.  Almost without fail this combines the squishy burger with a mouthful of burning spice, I’m not sure what it is, but it hurts. I have tried a number of Spicy Bean Burgers, and without fail they were inedible. Let’s just not waste the resources. 

Pasta

Now, onto the omnipresent fettuccine Alfredo. Who doesn’t love it? It’s delicious, and if you add a couple of pieces of Italian bread with butter, you have yourself a great dinner; well it tastes good, if you can overlook the slightly unwell feeling about halfway though. When you take some leftovers home and heat them up the next day, you start to see the problem. Reheated, the sauce separates, butter flows, and you are just grateful you got home with your heart still beating.

Salad

In restaurants I have been offered the salad option so many times I can’t count, and it’s irritating every single time. I know that as a server you are trying to be helpful, but when I ask about the vegetarian options on your menu, assume I already knew about the salad. I want some actual food and when you take the chicken or beef off, the salad isn’t that much of a meal. I once went on a cruise, when asked about the food options on the ship; the agent actually said, “We have salad!”  Apparently the idea of salad for three meals a day for a week was a thought that never got completed.

Now that I have done a mild rant about what I don’t care for when eating out, the next post of this web log, (I don’t care for the lazy “blog” either) about where you go to get the good vegetarian food on the Eastside, it does exist, in surprising places.

Notice I do not use the term “veggie” at all. Don’t you do it either.